So, I was setting up a server yesterday, and had to open Internet Explorer for the first time and got msn.com shoved down my throat because Microsoft thinks we should all get our news from them.
Anyway, I saw the headline above and I had to detour briefly to see what it was about.
Apparently, elephants in India raid villages and one of the things they go after is the rice beer that the village folk brew. They have so many elephants, that's it becoming a problem. Drunken elephants raids that is.
I was thinking, we need to make a mockumentary about this. It can be a movie that follows a band of elephants as they raid villages looking solely for rice beer. I can see it now, the elephants have matching tattoos on their shoulder of an angry elephant or something. I don't even know where the shoulder is on an elephant, but that'd be funny. The attacks could be coordinated, one could stop by the pond on their way in and fill up his trunk with water to spit at people who try and interfere with the raid. Another one just goes around knocking over huts and raising up and stomping to scare away all the villagers, while the others search for the beer. Those things are always pooping though, so someone would have to get pooped on. We could try and make that part comical.
The bad thing is, the movie would probably have to end on a sad note. Let's be honest, there's just not much good that can come of a band of alcoholic elephants on the warpath. Maybe at least we could follow their tusks all the way to eBay and then show someone getting arrested for buying and selling ivory on the Internet, so there is a brief ray of light at the end.
Anyway, enough fooling around, you can read the full article here.
Wednesday, October 24, 2007
Thursday, October 18, 2007
Back to Reality
Vacation Over, for schizzle.
-Limp Along (Austin) is back to normal, for those of you wondering. His sneezing fit that he picked up while on the foot medication is pretty much over as well.
-Works sucks. Came back to thousands of emails and hundreds of questions. It never seems to stop. You'd think I was gone for weeks, but it was only 4 days. And I'm overdue on projects I was assigned while on vacation. Yep, I'm late on doing work that I didn't even know I was supposed to be working on. Anyone looking to hire a good IT guy? I'm ready to go back to Colorado.
-After a "conversation" with my HOA today (which I will post about later, I'm still too upset to even think clearly about it), I've decided we can no longer call our house our home. It just doesn't sound right. We clearly have no stake of ownership in it. After the bank, we are like 4th or 5th in line, and I don't even know some of the people in the line. I don't even think its right to put our last name in the title of the place, therefore, it is now the Reedy River Inn and Suites. We basically live in an expensive hotel suite, with no maid and no free continental breakfast. Wireless Internet is free, on a clear night when you can find a neighbor who has an open, unsecure network, or you can pay a premium and get your own connection. You can also pay to get water, cable, electricity. It's basically, hotel a la carte. I better wrap this post up quickly, my car has been parked in the same place for too long, I have to go move it or I'll be in violation. I keep looking for the front desk so I can check out of this place and check into a house not in a subdivision. If you need me, I'll be here, just ringing this little bell for service, going a little crazier every day.
-Limp Along (Austin) is back to normal, for those of you wondering. His sneezing fit that he picked up while on the foot medication is pretty much over as well.
-Works sucks. Came back to thousands of emails and hundreds of questions. It never seems to stop. You'd think I was gone for weeks, but it was only 4 days. And I'm overdue on projects I was assigned while on vacation. Yep, I'm late on doing work that I didn't even know I was supposed to be working on. Anyone looking to hire a good IT guy? I'm ready to go back to Colorado.
-After a "conversation" with my HOA today (which I will post about later, I'm still too upset to even think clearly about it), I've decided we can no longer call our house our home. It just doesn't sound right. We clearly have no stake of ownership in it. After the bank, we are like 4th or 5th in line, and I don't even know some of the people in the line. I don't even think its right to put our last name in the title of the place, therefore, it is now the Reedy River Inn and Suites. We basically live in an expensive hotel suite, with no maid and no free continental breakfast. Wireless Internet is free, on a clear night when you can find a neighbor who has an open, unsecure network, or you can pay a premium and get your own connection. You can also pay to get water, cable, electricity. It's basically, hotel a la carte. I better wrap this post up quickly, my car has been parked in the same place for too long, I have to go move it or I'll be in violation. I keep looking for the front desk so I can check out of this place and check into a house not in a subdivision. If you need me, I'll be here, just ringing this little bell for service, going a little crazier every day.
Tuesday, October 16, 2007
Last Vacation Post
I'm currently blogging from high atop a red rock formation in the Garden of the Gods. Its absolutely beautiful. It really goes to show you how modernized even our wilderness is now as I have almost a full signal on my Blackberry. Feels so good being out in Gods creation hiking around.
Monday, October 15, 2007
New Life Church
Gotta give some props to our worship pastor at our home church, Crossroads. We attended New Life Church in Colorado Springs yesterday. The worship pastors there are Jared Anderson and Ross Parsley and Jon Egan. Ross and Jared, in particular, have published tons of praise and worship songs, have recorded albums, and pretty well known in the praise and worship genre. However, they didn't hold a candle to our worship leader, David Walker. David Walker, you rock. Really, seriously, I'd take our worship at Crossroads over those guys any day of the week.
What was impressive about New Life was their audio/video setup. They had a tech booth manned by 6 people running lights, cameras, at least 8 projection screens for series graphics, and 7 video projection screens showing the stage and song lyrics. Plus, they had a sound booth that had another guy. All in all, it was quite the production.
What was impressive about New Life was their audio/video setup. They had a tech booth manned by 6 people running lights, cameras, at least 8 projection screens for series graphics, and 7 video projection screens showing the stage and song lyrics. Plus, they had a sound booth that had another guy. All in all, it was quite the production.
Saturday, October 13, 2007
Rocky Mountain High
Jeni and I are 2 full days into our vacation and having a great time. Yesterday, we rode a train up to the top of Pikes Peak. The views were astonishing. Truly spectacular. Of course, it was astonishingly cold at the top as well. About 50 degrees colder (it was 26 degrees) and the thin air made it seem colder to us. Afterwards, we spent the afternoon in the Garden of the Gods. Something about the red rocks just speaks to Jeni. She loves them. We climbed up to the top of one and just sat for a while and took it all in. You can't capture the Rockies in photos, everyone should come out here.
Today, our rental had a flat tire when we went out to it. Instead of just filling it with some air and letting it blow out on me up in the mountains, I took it down the street to Discount Tire Co. They hooked us up and got us back on the road in no time and didn't charge us anything. (Probably helped that I buy all my tires there). I felt much more confident behind the wheel then. We drove up to Denver for a Pumpkin Festival (gotta love the fall festival food) and to see downtown, Coors Field, and Invesco Field. I'm not a Broncos fan, but Invesco is a really neat stadium. Nice design, and tied nicely to the team. Some stadiums are pretty generic, but you can definitely tell that the Broncos play there. We scratched plans to go to Vail and Aspen though as they as expecting a couple feet of snow this weekend and came back to Colorado Springs. There is still plenty more to do here and hotel recommendation if you are ever in the Springs: Travelodge. We checked right back in here. Great rates and nice rooms and free wireless.
Tuesday, October 9, 2007
American Gladiators
As some of you may have heard, NBC is going to redo the classic "American Gladiators" show for midseason. Whatever show gets canned, will be replaced by it, my guess right now is "Chuck" or "The Singing Bee".
But that is a different post. What's funny is the casting application for Gladiators. I stumbled across a link to it the other day. It's hilarious. You have to read over it. It asks some classic questions like "How are you competitive in every day life?" Well, I'm glad you asked. Often, when me and another co-worker are both going to the water cooler at the same time, I start running so I get there first, like an impromptu race.
"How would you use the American Gladiators prize money". Let me count the ways. Gym membership, steriods, HGH, protein shakes, and Coke Zero.
There are a ton of questions about who you have lived with, who you are living with, for how long, etc. I guess they are looking for compatibility? That confused me.
Anyway, my favorite question are questions #39 and #40.
39) In the lines below, write a poem or rap. Seriously? How does that qualify you to be on American Gladiators?
40) Draw a picture of yourself in the box below. Yep, that's really a question on the application. I can only imagine some of the pictures they got. I wish they would publish those.
You can see the full application here.
But that is a different post. What's funny is the casting application for Gladiators. I stumbled across a link to it the other day. It's hilarious. You have to read over it. It asks some classic questions like "How are you competitive in every day life?" Well, I'm glad you asked. Often, when me and another co-worker are both going to the water cooler at the same time, I start running so I get there first, like an impromptu race.
"How would you use the American Gladiators prize money". Let me count the ways. Gym membership, steriods, HGH, protein shakes, and Coke Zero.
There are a ton of questions about who you have lived with, who you are living with, for how long, etc. I guess they are looking for compatibility? That confused me.
Anyway, my favorite question are questions #39 and #40.
39) In the lines below, write a poem or rap. Seriously? How does that qualify you to be on American Gladiators?
40) Draw a picture of yourself in the box below. Yep, that's really a question on the application. I can only imagine some of the pictures they got. I wish they would publish those.
You can see the full application here.
Tuesday, October 2, 2007
News and Notes
Nebraska State Senator Sues God Over Natural Disasters - That's right, he's protesting frivolous lawsuits by filing ... a frivolous lawsuit. The suit asks for a "permanent injunction ordering Defendant to cease certain harmful activities and the making of terroristic threats." Wow. That's quite the statement there.
The funniest part of the whole thing to me were the specific acts mentioned. They were "fearsome floods, egregious earthquakes, horrendous hurricanes, terrifying tornados, pestilential plagues". I think he forgot formidable forest fires, desolate, disastrous droughts, tragic, tumultous tsunamis, and venerable, vile volcanic eruptions. Wait, this is fun. I could do this all day. There's also astonishing, abominable avalanches, loathsome lightning strikes, insipid, incurable, insatiable illnesses, fatal, frightful floods, and severe, shocking snowstorms. And all that's not even mentioning that grievous global warming and our outstandingly high oil consumption, etc. I better quit while I'm ahead, I have stuff to do. I could literally do this for hours. I love alliteration.
How well do you know the United States? Officials have released updated questions that are part of the naturalization test required for immigrants to become citizens. To take part of the quiz, you can go here. There was a lot of history questions, I'm guessing our education system is so bad that most high school seniors probably couldn't pass this. I knew all of them but one, for the life of me, I couldn't remember what Susan B. Anthony did. However, I'm not sure how knowing what she did qualifies me to be an American. It certainly doesn't help me to be prove that I am one. I'd like to see more questions that make sure they know how to pay their taxes, obey the law, and about not sneaking in their relatives. Can we quiz them on that?
The Hallelujah Diet - Here's a story about a pastor that's created a "new" diet. It's the Hallelujah diet. Basically, you are eating what Adam and Eve ate. Fruits, berries, vegatable, and nuts. All raw. Adam and Eve didn't have a stove, so everything they ate was raw. Only 15% of the food in the diet is cooked. Apparantly, the guy is in perfect health (at age 73) and has been cured from colon cancer. Several others who are on the diet have also been cured from diseases. Well, hallelujah. I don't think he's ever had my Grandma's fried chicken. Because it is God ordained. Someone was also acting under God's guidance as they came up with peanut butter, chocolate, and fried apple pies. That's all I'm saying.
The funniest part of the whole thing to me were the specific acts mentioned. They were "fearsome floods, egregious earthquakes, horrendous hurricanes, terrifying tornados, pestilential plagues". I think he forgot formidable forest fires, desolate, disastrous droughts, tragic, tumultous tsunamis, and venerable, vile volcanic eruptions. Wait, this is fun. I could do this all day. There's also astonishing, abominable avalanches, loathsome lightning strikes, insipid, incurable, insatiable illnesses, fatal, frightful floods, and severe, shocking snowstorms. And all that's not even mentioning that grievous global warming and our outstandingly high oil consumption, etc. I better quit while I'm ahead, I have stuff to do. I could literally do this for hours. I love alliteration.
How well do you know the United States? Officials have released updated questions that are part of the naturalization test required for immigrants to become citizens. To take part of the quiz, you can go here. There was a lot of history questions, I'm guessing our education system is so bad that most high school seniors probably couldn't pass this. I knew all of them but one, for the life of me, I couldn't remember what Susan B. Anthony did. However, I'm not sure how knowing what she did qualifies me to be an American. It certainly doesn't help me to be prove that I am one. I'd like to see more questions that make sure they know how to pay their taxes, obey the law, and about not sneaking in their relatives. Can we quiz them on that?
The Hallelujah Diet - Here's a story about a pastor that's created a "new" diet. It's the Hallelujah diet. Basically, you are eating what Adam and Eve ate. Fruits, berries, vegatable, and nuts. All raw. Adam and Eve didn't have a stove, so everything they ate was raw. Only 15% of the food in the diet is cooked. Apparantly, the guy is in perfect health (at age 73) and has been cured from colon cancer. Several others who are on the diet have also been cured from diseases. Well, hallelujah. I don't think he's ever had my Grandma's fried chicken. Because it is God ordained. Someone was also acting under God's guidance as they came up with peanut butter, chocolate, and fried apple pies. That's all I'm saying.
Limp Along
I'm sure several of your are worried about Austin, he is doing much better. He had a follow up appointment with the vet yesterday. He's still limping, but the cut on his paw is stabbed over and healing. We just have to keep giving him his medicine and putting ointment on it. Also, it was advised that we have him soak it in epsom salts. I'm not sure its even possible to hold a cats paw in water for any length of time, but we'll see. It beats trying to do what we read online, which was to ice it for 10-15 minutes several times a day. I mean, I would ice a bum ankle myself, but how do you get a cat to let you ice its paw for 10 minutes? I guess if you enjoy getting scratched up.
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