Just as "Excerpts from real life conversations" will be a recurring series on this blog, as will my newest series, "Things I will change when I am President". I figure that way, in 20 years, when I am President, I won't have to try and remember these things, I'll have a nice archived list and can get started.
Those of you who know me, know I have already started such a list and have mentioned several things to you, such as spending tax dollars on CD wrapper research to find a better way to shrink wrap and secure CDs that doesn't require 20 mins to open when you get to your car and are wanting to open it and listen to it on the way home and my "Stupid People Breeding Policy" which will help regulate procreation amongst Georgia and South Carolina fans and of course, my "English as a Primary Language Laws" which will make English the official language of the US and make progress toward prohibiting other languages from being written and displayed in public places and will outlaw "Press 1 for Spanish" on automated phone support lines.
Some of you are ready to vote so I'll get to my latest list addition:
If you use the word "burger" to describe a menu item, that item must contain beef. If it does not, it is not a burger. It's that simple. This occurred to me on my recent flight back from Chicago reading a Rachel Ray magazine (1-It's my wife's magazine, don't get any ideas and 2-It was a long flight) (I'd like to have about 1/3rd of Rachel's wealth right now, what could she be doing with all that money?) and readers submitted recipes for their best burger and they chose the best 3 and published them. You know what? Not a single one of the 3 they published had ground beef in them. They were all turkey burgers. This has been bothering me for quite some time now and this is the straw that broke the camel's back. Turkey burgers? Are turkeys made of cow? No. How in the world can three 'burgers' that are supposedly the best of all the ones submitted not even included the quintessential thing that makes a burger a burger! Are vegetables made of cow? No. Then there's no such thing as a 'veggieburger' either. Are soy beans made of cow? No, then there's no such thing as a soyburger. Burger implies beef or cow products and its time that some one do something about it. I'm reclaiming the burger. Us beef lovers want the burger back!
So when I'm President, turkey, soy, and veggie and whatever else you want to make into the shape of a burger, shall not be called that. This is not a Republican or Democrat thing, consider me the charter member of the ProBurger Party.
After much thought though, you can use buffalo instead of beef and still call it a burger. After all, a buffalo is just a large, hairy cow that is harder to find these days and if the ostrichs play nice, I will allow them a pass as well because they are at least a red meat. But I'm debating it. I may leave that one for Congress to decide. I'll have to give them something to do afterall.
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