Tonight at the gas station, I was pumping some gas when some guy comes out of the store and gives me his story about how he's out of gas and miles from home and needs a few dollars to get home. Well, I'm feeling generous and give him a $5 bill from my wallet.
Now, I don't relay this story to make myself look good. In fact, it's quite the opposite. As he came back out and starting pumping some gas and I pulled away, I guess I felt good in one regard that hopefully I was able to help him out. But in a larger sense I felt bad for two reasons. The first is that I could have done more. I could have filled up his tank. Secondly, I kept thinking about all the people I hadn't helped. Why him? Why today? I feel like part of the reason I helped him was because this is the South and I feel like I can trust people more here. The biggest thing I dislike about travelling for work (aside from being away from home and the "Table for 1" embarassment) is that most of our offices are in large cities and I know I'm going to be constantly asked for money. Sometimes, just walking 1-2 blocks from hotel to office, I'm asked for money 3-4 times. And you know what? I never give. And I feel horrible about it. Seriously. It makes me feel sick to turn down so many people, so frequently. I feel like I'm a generous person, a good person, and a Christ follower. And Christ commanded us to give to the poor, he goes so far as to say in Matthew 25 that to not feed the hungry, to not give the thirsty drink, etc is to do the same to Him. Which is one of the reasons why I end up feeling horrible by the time I get to the office. Now, I try to justify to myself that this is a different ballgame. In the inner city, people are just trying to take advantage of me. In downtown LA, I was trying to walk 4 blocks to get breakfast and after just 1 block, I'd told two people 'no' and now I had a guy walking beside me pressuring me to give him money. I felt I was 1/2 block away from having an LA mugging story to tell, so I darted in a cafe just to get away from him as he stood at the door yelling at me. I think "surely that's not what Jesus meant" and then hold that guys forceful begging and attitude against all of them. Heck, I even looked around before leaving the cafe that day to try and minimize the number of times I'd have to say 'no' before I got back to my hotel. Isn't that horrible? So, I don't tell you that story to make myself look good, but to hopefully get you thinking. It got me thinking anyway.
Why is it that we give to some and not to others?
Are we called to help out all of them the best that we can? Even when we feel threatened?
What holds us back? Greed? Feeling of unsafety?
Am I the only one that feels bad about this? Should I feel bad about this?
Just a couple hypothetical questions to ponder.
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